A FRIEND and I were enjoying a ride with her male friend, one who has travelled and seen the world. He told stories of the cultures he had observed. After a pause, he declared that; “May be a man should go to Ghana to marry a wife.”
It was not a question, it was a statement and I thought that he had thought over that idea a great deal before he said it. We kept quiet; I knew that my friend had entertained something bigger than a casual friendship with him and it was possible, he knew that she expected him to pop the question.
If his intention was also to shock us, he succeeded because our quietness spoke volumes. My friend had not only hoped for something permanent, she had bragged about him to us. So it was difficult for me to not look at her as she tried to say something, but was unable to do so.
Finally, though we asked what was wrong with the Nigerian woman.
“Foreign women are not spoilt. They are prepared to stand by their husbands, but our women are too materialistic,” was his reply.
But I disagreed with him because I thought that women are the same all over the world. I think that if you meet a so-called spoilt woman-the materialistic one in Nigeria, that you will also find one who loves wealth just as much in Russia. You may also marry an America who could betray you.
Why Would He Marry A Foreigner?
The first answer would be that he wanted a wife at a time he thinks he is ready for marriage and she is the one in his life. A man may make his choice that easily; if she meets all he asks for in a partner and there is opposition, he would not hesitate.
But there are other reasons too. It could be said that the rush for foreign wives began back in the colonial era when Nigerian men began to travel overseas for studies.
Their families were at home and home sickness drew them to women of which ever country they studied at then. It is natural therefore that women as nurturers and comforters would only want to help these boys who felt lost in a strange land-even within the country, men on transfer duty to other towns, especially bachelors would say that they have the sympathy of the female gender who are ready to help out with chores which are thought best suited to women. T here need not be a special relationship before the women could decide to shop or even cook for “that poor boy”.
With foreign women, they may not have to slave for him to take make him feel wanted, but if their countries have a better welfare package than our country, the more attractive. It would not be out of place therefore if love blossoms under these circumstances.
We should not forget that at the beginning of this love -across -the –seas that our men went mostly to England, America and Russia. There may have been women of other countries and those of the black race, but white wives were more prominent so that they came home with children of mixed race; children whose colour we found so attractive and whose breeding in a different environment made them unreachable. There was a popular hotelier who was said to have married his wife because he desired so much to have “half caste” children.
Dual citizenship or the quest for green card may not have a serious why he married a foreign wife because most went on government scholarship; they had employment waiting for them at home with enticing allowances.
He Is A Fair-Weather Lover
Curiously, after the oil boom, the Nigerian male appears to have lost his taste for foreign wife. At this time, Nigerians were at the helm of the management of their own affairs; more women were going to school and are working in challenging jobs instead of Sewing and Hairdressing.
They have brushed up enough for the foreign educated man to notice. More, they knew a lot about their country. There were stories of men taking them as second wives and mistresses and then deceiving the foreign wives that they were relatives until the wife would find and quietly left the country.
But why would he deceive the wife? I t would be that he wanted the best of two worlds. In his absence, the woman has improved on herself. She perfected her act enough to be desirable to him. He does not however, consider the feeling of the woman who took care of him abroad.
She Is Careful With Money
The foreign wife can refuse to buy the uniform of your second cousin’s daughter’s wedding and you would not complain. You know that you should not be angry because it is not a culture she understands. You know that her husband, your relative frowns at elaborate ceremonies of any type so, he is thankful that he has a kindred spirit in his partner.
Now that all the family can do is talk-at their back of course, because no matter what you do, she would never bend to pressure or part with their money.
He Has Attention All The Time
Her mother or sister would take a decision to visit without informing them several months ahead. There has to be a previous arrangement that they have both been involved with, especially and conveniently, it may take several hours travel on air.
Without relatives claiming undue rights they have time to iron out the frays in their marriage without anybody interfering. I have heard of control of the man by the wife; they called her a despot who told domestic staff not to eat the family’s food. They thought it was not Nigerian, so when she traveled, they complained to him; “He sided with his wife”
I thought that it was not a question of siding with his wife; they made an agreement which she upheld; they pay salary on which you should feed yourself. But the point is that a Nigerian wife would have been blackmailed into bending to what they want.
You Are Materialistic
If your need to have material wealth shocks even you, there must be problem; especially if it governs your choice of relationships, it may be a reason you can’t settle down even though you try as hard as you can. Cheer up though for he may be guilty too; with the depression, men look out for women better off them than themselves and some seek foreign women because they want their money.
He Wants A Change
Many of us are complaining about our country these days; he may think that the way to change is by marrying a foreign woman.
Source: guardian
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